PALINOIA

 you stood beneath my window calling a name you had no face to pair with, staring in the wrong direction, bottle-bottom glasses, skirt to the street, and you were hopeful, despite everything that could have gone awfully wrong in that moment… and i wondered what you wished for.

i know now what it is, despite the continents, night and day, that separate us: something more, something unspoken (please lets be quiet), what waits with mountains, those wide spaces that whisper when we are sad and they speak of spirits unseen and our bones ache under the weight of what we are not living.

you came perfectly into my life; my Cain (our dark souls), my sister, you came and the cabinets were yours and the keys, our blankets, you were exactly what i needed, thank you, i love you.  tempests, femmes, we got the ultimate shakes, scares and checked silences (double blues) crippling insecurities, street shouts and the shadowed inside things beauty cannot achieve for us.  and it was wonderful anyways and all ours; the rain on our teeth, legs swinging, boots and wide brims, beats and cheek kisses, autumn and the leaves looked like your hair and what whims awaited our afternoons….whatever we wanted, what we wished we didn’t know.

because we know what we are in this world; wrong to the end, perhaps the planet is flat, when we fall we hit the floor hard and bloom bruises, unaccountably selfish, sometimes cold,

why it is?

but then we turn, just to the left, smile, a peripheral proprioception, and warmth (what we want to share) blossoms with our bruises, immediate, insistent,

it is why we love.

lovely, my girl, dream thief, you are so lovely. we are curious, baby natives, what we take is for looking, what we might find, to feel it, if only briefly, and sometimes we take too much and sometimes it is horrible and lonely and we are astonished at our own actions (what doubt! what darkness!) and the tears and the hurt and it was just a mistake and 

learn, lady, LEARN…  a mistake is not so horrible a thing if you hold it just close enough to read it and remember.

vltava

 departing from germany was a two step process: one train (which i nearly missed..so early and so lost!) then a bus.  a relatively peaceful voyager, i was marginally perturbed at the initial rowdiness on our double-decked vehicle; bottles and songs passed like riots over the soft hills outside until… one fateful bottle fell into my proverbial hands.  uncharacteristically reserved, i went to give it back, in hushed english (an outsider), only to have a veritable hoard of german men take me out of my seat, insisting i drink with them, for it was, incidentally, their mate’s bachelors party and i was a parting gift from the marital gods above on this, his final ride.

so, happily tippy with testosterone and cheap champagne, i made my way to the hostel through the czech summer heat to meet one of the greatest souls that haunts this great planet: ALEX.

here is alex:

born bro, constant motion, he slides through this life with an impressive ease.  good on good, good things come to him; gambler in luck, a mad hatter, this boy knows how to live and he is happy just to live it with you.

change in tenses:

i find alex on the bed sleeping (like an idiot) so we nap and then enter the city.   we eat (the dumplings! what culinary delight!) and drink and the beer is delicious and cheap and cold and it is humid outside so we walk to the island, sit on a dock, drink another and watch the sun set in the west.

the light is like a cherry blossom; pink, it falls from the trees and settles on the ground in the shadows, and we hold the blossoming twilight and make promises to the world we know we will never keep because the nights are made for saying what you cannot say in the day.

eyes adjust

we get fried cheese (the singularly greatest thing to happen to street food ever. hands down. get into it.) and go to find some unforgotten friends in a brick cave of foosball (take it seriously) where they play and I suck and we laugh at stupid things; things past, things present, embrace them, the mayhem and the time.

in the morning we rise, perhaps later than we should; bright windows remind us of what we have not done. salvage the day!  up, take the tram all the way out (prague 6), to divoka sarka, home of the wild and the weeds, this park is a place of magic.  a rickety bridge, carved wooden heads, here reality is a stranger, bodies wandering through lilting air, through leaves and grasses.  a glimpse, a natural pool, glacial waters meet skin. astronaut rides and ice cream, you have to see it to believe it,

this is youth, these are the beautiful hours.

if i could motivate one change it would be:

in this city, seek sunlit fun.

prague is a dark party, yes, but… bikes and picnics and paddle-boats (what water! what rats!), hills and hideouts, 

the shimmer, hips quiver

the rain is warmer during the day, don’t waste it.