PALINOIA

 you stood beneath my window calling a name you had no face to pair with, staring in the wrong direction, bottle-bottom glasses, skirt to the street, and you were hopeful, despite everything that could have gone awfully wrong in that moment… and i wondered what you wished for.

i know now what it is, despite the continents, night and day, that separate us: something more, something unspoken (please lets be quiet), what waits with mountains, those wide spaces that whisper when we are sad and they speak of spirits unseen and our bones ache under the weight of what we are not living.

you came perfectly into my life; my Cain (our dark souls), my sister, you came and the cabinets were yours and the keys, our blankets, you were exactly what i needed, thank you, i love you.  tempests, femmes, we got the ultimate shakes, scares and checked silences (double blues) crippling insecurities, street shouts and the shadowed inside things beauty cannot achieve for us.  and it was wonderful anyways and all ours; the rain on our teeth, legs swinging, boots and wide brims, beats and cheek kisses, autumn and the leaves looked like your hair and what whims awaited our afternoons….whatever we wanted, what we wished we didn’t know.

because we know what we are in this world; wrong to the end, perhaps the planet is flat, when we fall we hit the floor hard and bloom bruises, unaccountably selfish, sometimes cold,

why it is?

but then we turn, just to the left, smile, a peripheral proprioception, and warmth (what we want to share) blossoms with our bruises, immediate, insistent,

it is why we love.

lovely, my girl, dream thief, you are so lovely. we are curious, baby natives, what we take is for looking, what we might find, to feel it, if only briefly, and sometimes we take too much and sometimes it is horrible and lonely and we are astonished at our own actions (what doubt! what darkness!) and the tears and the hurt and it was just a mistake and 

learn, lady, LEARN…  a mistake is not so horrible a thing if you hold it just close enough to read it and remember.